Loving the victory more than hating the loss

Years ago I watched an interview with Roger Federer and something he said has resonated with me ever since. But, it wasn’t until recently that I started to understand exactly what he meant.

Federer was asked how he felt after losing in one of the majors and in his response he said that he disliked losing less than he enjoyed winning. That’s a bit of a jumbled way to say it, but basically he puts more emphasis on the positivity of winning than the negativity that comes with losing. Losing is just something that happens sometimes on the way to where he wants to be.

This way of viewing competition and play is one of the reasons he has been so successful over the years, in my humble opinion. He competes because he loves to win, as pretty much every single person does, but he’s not afraid to do what he needs to do to get there because failing isn’t something he dwells on too long. He has his priorities correct.

This is harder than it seems like it should be. Too often when we come off the golf course or finish some type of competition the negatives are emphasized over the successful shots. I’ve heard countless golfers after a round say they shot a specific score and then go right into what went wrong with the round instead of what they did right. It’s very rare when someone comes off the course and says they shot xx (whether it’s over or under their handicap, or if they won or loss) and then talk about all of the great shots they hit.

Why is this? I think it’s a bit odd and I have to admit that I am very guilty of doing it. After a competitive round people ask me how it went and I say, “I shot an 80, but I 3-putted two greens and hit a ball OB.” That’s such a negative way of processing the round and just sets up a similar pattern for the next one. Instead, I’m going to start focussing on the positives after every round and come off talking about the shots that were executed exactly as planned.

I tried this the last couple of rounds and it was definitely not easy. The greens were sanded out there and I found myself using that as an excuse to talk about missed putts rather than the 125-yard shot that I hit to less than a foot or the drives right down the center of the fairway. It takes practice and I have previously put in a ton of work focussing on the negatives. Time to turn that around.

In a similar vein, I have started taking a note on every single hole about one thing that I did right on that hole. It can be something technical like a good approach shot or mental such as neutrally processing a miss. Whatever that may be, when I note on the scorecard one positive aspect on every hole, looking back after the round I have nothing but positive memories. It doesn’t matter the overall score, I can take away the positives and start to linger on those more than on potentially bad outcomes. It’s a process like everything, but it is momentum working towards the ultimate goal.

Bringing it back to the Swiss man Federer, I was recently invited to come to Europe for some practice and a media story and I will be in Zurich, Switzerland (where my brother happens to live) from October 21-29 and then in Gothenburg, Sweden from the 29th to November 1st. If anyone is near those places and wants to meet up, tee it up, grab a coffee, catch up, etc. please let me know. I will have my clubs with me and will be ready to practice and play!

Also, I would like to thank Vision54 one more time for helping me understand what it means to be a player of this game. Before meeting with them I had really been focussing solely on the technical aspects of the swing, chipping and putting, but now have a plan for becoming a better player. This is an important distinction and I think everyone who wants to improve can do so through combining technical and mental training as they teach.

I would also like to thank Grand Del Mar resort for hosting the Vision54 class. It was an incredible course and hotel and if anyone has a chance to play down there I would highly recommend it. The staff were incredibly friendly and the course was pristine. One of the best ranges I have ever seen and the resort had beds much more comfortable than I am used to. I actually slept through the night for a change :).

Not too shabby of a place. It might be the most luxurious hotel that I have ever stayed at. Well, now that I think of it, it is definitely the most luxurious place I have ever stayed:

AerialClubhouseWaterFeature5CC4LR

KingGuestroom03F78CLR

3rdhole_26585LR

As always, please check out and download the entire blog to date on Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MTC0NJA

13 Responses to "Loving the victory more than hating the loss"

cdvilla says:

October 6, 2014 at 11:40 am

I feel like golf (much like rally racing) is just about turning in your best performance and letting that score stand. For Federer, let’s be honest, there are pros who could have their best day and still get beat by him 3 and 4. Golf is so much more personal. All of us leave shots out on the course but in the end, you really have no control on your opponents outcome (match play excluded.)
Henk Weemaes says:

October 6, 2014 at 3:53 pm

Dan,

I was already planning a little holiday in the alps in the last week of october (normaly just for hiking).
But if I hear you’ll come to Zurich,which is pretty close to the place I wanted to go, I will take my clubs with me. No idea if my parents let me go and borrow me the car to make the trip from Belgium to the alps… But I realy need a little vacasion after 2 months school.

I’m pretty interested in the way how you think and live for golf.

Maybe until then!
Henk
Matt says:

October 6, 2014 at 6:07 pm

May want to consider telling us about your luxurious visit in another way, especially putting pictures of such a nice golf course and hotel room right above a request to donate to the site Sure you meant well, just thought I’d give you a different perspective.
Alex says:

October 7, 2014 at 5:08 am

Hi Dan !

Belgium is not in your travel plan ?

Success !
Stefan says:

October 7, 2014 at 9:52 am

Hi Dan,

but please now don’t get trapped on the other side. Thinking about your good shots you shouldn’t forget which ones you still have to work on. I think best would be to remember the good and the bad ones looking back with an attitude like this: “I know exactly where I still have to work on, but I already played such a lot of really good shots. And if I work on the other ones that will even get better!”

What a pity that you are coming to my area 2 days after I will have left for holidays to spain.
Pete says:

October 8, 2014 at 8:46 am

Hi Dan. Good ‘article’ as always. Couldn’t agree more about looking at the positve rather than the negative, hard to do sometimes. That said, pro golfers often do this – how many times have you seen a pro being interviewed after a ‘poor’ round and say “I actually struck the ball pretty well, but nothing dropped on the greens today.” Or “It wasn’t my best round but I scrambled pretty well.” There’s almost always a positive in there somewhere.
Be interested in your thoughts on being a ‘player’ rather than just looking at the technical or ‘science’ of golf. (Sorry if you’ve already written on the subject and I’ve missed it )
Pete
Pete says:

October 8, 2014 at 9:23 am

Just read your previous post about being a player. All good stuff
bill patterson says:

October 8, 2014 at 10:41 am

The best players in the world at the top of their games have very short term memories. they
value the positive and very often forget the negatives. When they begin to remember the
poor performances, they get mentally scarred and unable to perform at their best.
Must keep vasoline on the scars!!
Steve says:

October 8, 2014 at 3:54 pm

I remain old fashioned about this.

http://youtu.be/CAkBiMZUekA

But “losing” to me is losing to myself, not someone else. Unless it’s match play.
Geoff says:

October 8, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Always good seeing how you stick to the path your Plan is following Dan. Delving into the nuances of ‘competition play’ is going to be the finishing school of your preparation. Then the really hard work starts. Playing in competitions to win.
Richard Chen says:

October 9, 2014 at 12:04 pm

Seriousness about winning can be shown by seriously mastering the 4-wood.

Developing the capability to use the woods without using gloves can provide more feel to control the woods. If the hands are too soft, start with chipping and short shots to toughen up the hands a little before full swings without using gloves. If the grip pressure is too strong, or there is “wrenching” of the club handle with the hands, gloves will be needed, as blisters, cuts, and calluses can developed in the hands, when there are questionable swing techniques. Naturally tacky grips allows full control of the club handle without needing much grip pressure. Normal to slightly above normal grip size tends to provide more control of the wood club. Grip size should be fitted by a golf club professional, as improper grip size may cause injury to the hands over time.

In the early nineteen-seventies and before, a named-brand club manufacturer used to make wood clubs with “reminder” grips. The upper-front quarter of the club handle is made into a flat bevel, so that it fits right under the heel pad of the leading hand. This flat bevel of the wood club handle provides a “reminder” of the angle of rotation of the club handle, and club shaft. It enables the heel pad of the leading hand to provide more control on the club. There may be still some old samples of woods with reminder-grips stashed away in some storage areas.

The area of the heel pad of the leading hand is where the last one to three fingers of the leading hand are. The top of the leading hand heel pad, and the last finger (pinky) of the leading hand tend to form like a fulcrum or a pivot point for a pendulum-like swinging of the club during the final release phase of the downswing. In many slow motion video of swings that results in great shots, this pendulum-like swing action of the club during the final release just before impact can be seen.
claes thor says:

October 10, 2014 at 10:39 am

Hello Dan,

If you do not already have a game booked when i Gothenburg, I would gladly play. Please go ahead and contact me. Although I should say that there is a risk that the weather might be pretty cold in the end of October/beginning November.

BR Claes
Dylan says:

November 1, 2014 at 12:25 pm

I used to struggle massively with a negative attitude on the course, and one bad shot could derail an entire round for me. An instructor I took lessons from at the Reserve (Craig) advised me to do the same thing (taking a note on every single hole about one thing that I did right on that hole), and it helped me tremendously.

I’ve gotten away from that as of late, and I’m glad I read this because I want to get back to it. As we all know, confidence (or a lack of it) can make a huge difference in how we play, and getting a positive feeling before your next tee shot can certainly help produce better results than stewing over the shank/penalty/fat shot/missed putt or whatever else on the last hole.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply