Why I do the things I do

Lately I’ve had these moments of clarity where I feel that I am starting to understand what the point of this whole living thing is all about.  But then I realize that my whole thought process is wrong and it’s less about figuring out the point than about appreciating the search.  It’s not a competition, but it is a game we are all playing.  Some people see it as a competition and do what they can to get “better” than others so they can “win” but in the end there is just a finite time we have to play and whether you are hoarding all of the pieces or let your neighbor have your share in order to see the joy on their faces is irrelevant.  You can be happy with everything and happy with nothing.  It’s all a matter of perception.

This journey that I am on is a personal one.  I appreciate that people are following along and interested, but at the end of the day it’s me versus me out there.  I’m on a quest to prove to myself that human potential is what we make it and we are what we say we are.  I’m going to hit my goal of making it on the PGA Tour and play in an event on that stage and when it’s all said and done I’ll be right where I started: living in my head, understanding the world through my reality.  The same things that made me happy or sad 20 years ago will most likely create the same emotions 30 years from today.  It’s just like how they say you can’t love someone until you love yourself, the same is true about success: you won’t be truly successful until you are happy with your level of success.

It’s different for us all.  Something inside drives the few to overachieve.  whether it’s an obsession driven by self-loathing or spiritual enlightenment, there are a few business people, artists, athletes, or entrepreneurs that surpass the herd to push the known physical boundaries.  Every generation has them and in a way it’s what we call progress.  At the end of the day I’m not sure if it’s what will save or destroy humanity, but it is what it is and there’s no stopping us at this point, so we have to hope that the direction we are heading is the right one.

This drive, it seems, has so many people busy building some sort of empire (yours truly included) that we forget to pause for those figurative flowers.  But, now that I think about it, perhaps the rose smell is in the pursuit.  Maybe it is the hunt that we appreciate.  Maybe stopping is just something that we reluctantly do in order to rest up for more enjoyable pursuit.  It’s up to you.  Whatever is your passion is what you should do, as long as it doesn’t directly hurt your neighbor.  Remember that no matter how isolated you may feel we are all truly just a small cog in this life wheel.  You can rise up towards the tire and it may seem that you are traveling faster than anyone else, but it’s still just one revolution at a time.

Going off on a tangent from a blog post that was at best tangential: I’m at a strange stage in life.  Approaching mid-30s and all of a sudden I’m starting to see that there is a widening divide between my position in life and that of a college kid.  In some ways I’m no longer the young fighting generation and am starting to settle into a more mid-life mindset where peers are beginning to raise children and talk about their 401k, vacation homes, saving for children’s college education, etc.  I am now half way between 18 and 50 and not sure which side I relate with more.  Nor do I know which side I want to relate with.  Most of my friends are about 65 and it seems that I relate with this age group better than any other.  That age seems to understand how to enjoy the day and I appreciate that about them.  But there is still a fire burning inside me and a passion to make a change.  I don’t think I will ever stop asking why and have no interest in losing touch with my 18-year-old self.  There is a lot of exploration left to do in this world.

For what it’s worth, stop today for a second and ask why.  The answer may come immediately.  It may not come at all.

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